Scar tissue

Hmmm, does this look like he loves her, or that he might want to strangle her? 🙂

Well, here we are, a little over a week after my knee replacement surgery. Recovery is going well, probably even better than I might have hoped. I’m more mobile than expected and can even get around the house pretty well without my walker (but don’t tell my physical therapist!) So, all in all, I’m happy with my progress.

That’s not to say it’s been without its setbacks, pain, humiliation, and – yes – need. Lots and lots of need. “Need” is not a position I have entirely embraced, as the control freak I tend to be. I’ve been thinking about some of the goals they’ve given me in physical therapy and how there are so many parallels to relationships. In our marriage, we typically play different roles. Even though we both work and have worked out a great rhythm and equality in our responsibilities, it’s important to remember sometimes that the scale tips one way or the other, for whatever reason. And boy, have they tipped in the past ten days!

I could not imagine trying to navigate recovery from surgery like this without a partner like my husband. From keeping his sense of humor and making me laugh (sometimes when I least feel like it) to making sure I take all my meds on schedule, keeping various ice bags frozen and bringing them to me, to patiently waiting for me when I go to my physical therapy appointments and just generally remembering all the details – he’s been incredible. Probably the thing I’m most proud of is his willingness to do the grocery shopping – and he does it with a smile and without complaint, even though typically he’d rather go almost anywhere than the local grocery store. Happy that he is doing it, and doing it well, but I’d be kidding myself if I didn’t admit that it makes me a little uncomfortable knowing how well he is navigating all the things that I am “needed” for.

Which brings me to the first analogy with physical therapy. The main goal of these first two weeks post-surgery, I’m told, is to make sure to keep the joint bending and stretching almost constantly to ensure that any scar tissue that is starting to form gets broken up before it gets too far along and ultimately inhibits full range of motion. I’ve been thinking about the “scar tissue” that might have formed in our relationships – if it doesn’t get stretched and re-shaped every once in a while, it’s easy to forget how grateful we are for the little things that we do for each other that have simply become a normal rhythm. Having that rhythm shift has really helped both of us to look at all the different things we appreciate about each other far more than we typically recognize or acknowledge in a normal day.

Now that the worst of the pain (I hope) has subsided, and I can move around a little easier than I could a few days ago, I start to jump ahead in my mind and really want to skip right out of the walker phase and go to the cane. My physical therapist reminded me that if I really want a return to a full range of motion and strength, it’s important not to get out of order. As time goes on and different parts of my leg begin to “turn on” again, making sure they aren’t just healed, but healed appropriately, becomes paramount, or I’m not going to be happy with my outcome. I can see parallels to relationships here, too. We make big decisions, whether it’s around budget expenditure, or vacation plans, or houseguest plans. together. I don’t think it is something we consciously do anymore, it’s become “scar tissue” and we just do it. But, the way we do it is important. We have a conversation first – here’s something that needs to be attended to and why, here’s where I’d like to suggest we go and why, I’d like to invite so and so to visit, what weekend would work best, and why, etc. To just come in and say “I just spent $3000 to get the water heater replaced and installed properly” or “I’ve just booked our flights to Spain for the end of October, put it on your calendar” or “I invited Joe and Liz to come down for Memorial Day weekend” might all be great ideas, or need to be done, or whatever, but the conversation and partnership works much better when things happen in a certain order. Talk about it, explain why, ask for the other person’s thoughts, concerns, or opinion, and THEN spend the money or make the commitment. There will be a lot fewer hurt feelings and unaligned calendars that way.

Finally, I have to laugh when I think about going through this whole upside-down world during the Lenten season. Is it a coincidence that I will be celebrating my one-month recovery date on Easter Sunday? Going through this time of suffering and sacrifice on the way to rebirth and rejoicing is actually motivating in its own spiritual way. Surrendering to suffering, sacrifice, and role reversals for a time is an opportunity to examine all the things for which we have to be grateful as we work our way through the struggle to the other side of recovery.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” – Romans 12:12