An Epiphany!

e·piph·a·ny

[əˈpifənē]

• a Christian holy day (traditionally January 6) that celebrates the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus
• a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand, or become conscious of, something that is very important to you

It’s not exactly true that I had an epiphany on the Epiphany, but it does seem appropriate to restart my regular writing on this page on the feast of the Epiphany. I have been longing to write ever since my last post on this blog more than three years ago – which I never thought would be my last post. It felt increasingly risky and heavy to post my thoughts publicly. Even though this little blog in a tiny little corner of the internet isn’t exactly The New York Times in terms of followers, there’s always a possibility that something I write here might get copied or shared to someone who knows me but isn’t aware of how I think or what I feel. While political affiliation was never overtly questioned in my prior working environment, it was simply presumed that any “thinking person” thought and voted a certain way. To be exposed as one of the “neanderthals” who didn’t agree would mean an exile of sorts to a different status – certainly I couldn’t be trusted to represent leadership or have any sort of authority or responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, this was never a written company policy. But when senior leadership often derided or made jokes about people who thought like I did, and posted overt political support on internal company websites, I certainly wasn’t going to stick my neck out and say, “excuse me, I am one of those neanderthals, actually.” I just put my head down, did my job, and got quiet. Years later, I know now that I wasn’t alone, but at the time it sure felt like it.

It was never my intention for my blog to be political in any way. This started because I enjoy writing, and have often been encouraged to put figurative pen to paper and share my thoughts about any matter that comes into my heart on any particular morning. It’s not an attempt to influence anyone or change anyone’s mind. And more than anything, it’s certainly not meant to ridicule anyone else. Will my thoughts shared here sometimes challenge yours? Maybe, and that’s not a bad thing! We need to get back to the ability to agree to disagree, to be able to have real discussions around the dinner table or community or anywhere else where we not only express our thoughts but are open to trying to understand why our friends and family and neighbors disagree. Most importantly, we need to get back to focusing on what brings us together in whatever fashion at the end of the day, and not what divides and strains our relationships with each other.

In late November, I tagged along with my husband on a business trip to Krakow. Neither of us had been there before. It’s such a beautiful, historic, and charming city – made all the moreso by the enchanting Christmas market on the beautiful town square and the chilly holiday weather. It would have been easy, given the relatively brief time we were going to be there, to skip a difficult day-long tour to Auschwitz and Birkenau and just walk around, exploring the many charming shops, restaurants, and museums. A one and a half hour drive each way, combined with several hours of walking through the camps themselves and learning about the horrors that happened there was definitely not an easy way to spend a day. But it was the pinnacle of our trip and something we will never regret doing. And it was part of my epiphany to return to this blog. While there’s no way possible to compare anything to the Holocaust and the depravity of the Nazis, I felt a stirring that I should never allow my fear of personal discomfort, inconvenience, or retribution get in the way of expressing myself. And neither should any of us.

In the homily during the Epiphany mass yesterday at our church, our priest said that because we are all children of God, that the light of the Star of the East that announced Jesus’ birth to the Magi is also within all of our hearts. That light can be brighter or dimmer from one day to the next, but that light is ours to shine out and make each day a better day for us and others than the last, no matter how large or small the act. He encouraged each of us to wake up every day, look in the mirror, and remind myself that “I am a Child of God, and his light in me empowers me to make the world a better place.” It doesn’t have to cure disease, or perform differential equations, or land on Mars. But I do hope when I sit down at my laptop from time to time to express myself that every once in a while, there will be a ray of light that makes someone reading this smile, or think, or maybe just say “I’m glad I spent the time to read that.”

Have a great day, everyone. Thank you for reading this!