What makes a good leader?

“A boss has the title, a leader has the people.” – Simon Sinek

I returned home from our annual company kickoff meeting last Friday evening. It’s a common cadence in most sales organizations – everyone comes together, learns the themes and messaging that the organization wants us to spread across our industry, reflects for a bit on what went well last year and what opportunities there are for improvement this year. Most importantly in this age of remote workforces, it brings our whole team together with various leaders in the organization and, when done really well, company leaders can jumpstart the year with a renewed feeling of being a part of a team and excitement for the year ahead. (It’s also exhausting! )

At the same time, we are at the apex of football championship season, both at the college and professional level. We see (presuming you are football fans as we are in this house) endless interviews with coaches and team leaders. Over the several weeks it feels like we really do get to know these people personally and understand how they think and how they motivate their teams to perform at the highest level, as every week marches them closer to a championship (or, to the end of the season and planning for the next.) We have a bit of an ongoing dialogue between my husband and me around this. A few weeks ago, my Texas Longhorns won a very close and exciting game against another team who had an extraordinarily dynamic and talented player who pretty much put his team on his back and nearly defeated my Horns practically by himself. My thought was that yes, he’s talented, but boy did I think he was a jerk. “A jerk who just catapulted himself to the top of the NFL mountain, Kelly. It’s not a personality contest!” A game we watched last weekend showed a frustrated player shoving one of his coaches on the sideline, something that we both agreed should have resulted in him being put on a plane home before the next play even started, regardless of reason. We also saw a coach and a couple of team leaders practically will their team to win as they look to win their third Super Bowl in a row. Sometimes coaches who are perceived as wonderful leaders are extremely successful at the college level, but flounder in the NFL, and vice versa.

“Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you are in control, they’re in control.” – Tom Landry

Finally, we watched the festivities and leadup to, and then the inauguration of our country’s 47th President. It’s no secret that there are widely divergent and polarized opinions of this particular man and those who support him, versus those who do not. Regardless your feelings about the man, it’s hard to deny that he doesn’t have “something” that inspires others to believe that he will lead the way to a new day in our country. Do others disagree? Of course. But given what has been thrown at him for the past 10 years, his rising from political ashes is extraordinary. Even when he wasn’t the President, people felt like he was still a leader. Not because he clung to power by means of a title for 50+ years, but because of the way he acted and the determined mindset he had to defend his name and to inspire others.

“If you think you are leading and turn around to see no one following you, then you are just taking a walk.” – John C. Maxwell

I’ve been fortunate in my career to have had the opportunity to work with some extraordinary leaders. These leaders inspired me to do more than I thought I could. These leaders showered me with accolades when I achieved things and had my back to give me course correction when I made mistakes or missed the mark. The best leaders praise people loudly, and critique them quietly. Working for an inspiring leader is definitely a gift, and I have been wonderfully lucky to have had the experience more times than not.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about which leaders have been less effective. Typically, these leaders were leaders by title only, who offered little in the way of direction or strategy, but who were quick to pounce when the numbers weren’t there or when a deal was lost. Some of them have been all too happy to take credit for the work of others on their team, even when they had little to no impact on that success – but were quick to point fingers at everyone except themselves when times are not so good. It is said that comparison is the thief of joy, and I think that’s true. The best teams I have been part of were led by people who made us all feel like we were part of the same team and that rising tides lift all boats. The least effective leaders were those who made everything about a competition which inevitably resulted in teams coming together not in strength, but as something of dysfunctional families, where we came together not out of unity, but out of frustration and fear.

I do think it’s possible to hold two truths at once: sometimes “good people” are not effective leaders at all. Throughout history, we’ve seen that often the most effective leaders have had blind spots or checkered pasts. For me, when I look back at all the leaders I’ve worked for or been inspired by, the best way to describe the greatest of them is almost always the same: They were tough, they were fair, they cared about making themselves and me better, and I never had to wonder where I stood with them. I didn’t always agree with them, sometimes I got outright angry or frustrated (usually as a result of feedback that ultimately made me better,) but I always knew at the end of the day that they cared about me and acted in what was almost always ultimately in my best interests, whether I agreed or not. Finally, the plain truth is that they did what they thought was right, even when it was hard. Even when it wasn’t popular. As much as they cared about me, they didn’t care at all what anyone else thought of them – as long as they were doing what they thought was right.

I’m at the point in my career where I feel like even though I am no longer a leader by means of org chart or title, I can still be thought of as a leader by my actions, my attitude, and my ability to be kind even when the favor is not returned. Having a title or winning a contest isn’t as important to me as it was earlier in my life. I wasn’t always this way, but the older I get the more I am concerned about making a difference in a positive way for others who might not be as far down the road as I am than I am about proving myself at work. They haven’t experienced enough of life to understand that at some point, something will happen in their lives that will completely change their priorities and force them to realize that if you aren’t winning at life outside of work, no work recognition can fill that void. It’s that simple.